Darwin Thinks I Need a Mate

If you have any intimate knowledge of the strange things (aka men) that happen to me...and I think only me, then this is just another addition to the growing list. And mind you, said list includes a Greek drummer telling me on our first and only date that he likes to eat Chicken McNuggets while visiting his grandmother...in the cemetery.

So, tonight, after a lovely dinner at Kru with a new friend I went home and put on the tennies and iPod and went on a jaunt around Fremont Park to get some steps. Just a few times around the park would put me over 10k for the day and it was a nice night and I had new music and a bounce in my step. About my fourth time around the park, this man appeared out of nowhere and tried to get my attention. In the split second I had to decide what to do, I felt it best to just confront the guy.

He put his hands up acknowledging that I was on defense. He said, "I just want some tobacco. You got any?" I told him no and started to walk away. He followed me a few steps and apologized for scaring me and he said, "I understand, you a lady and you just never know. They got that missing girl down south."

Note: putting me at ease and making me think you're not going to attack or rob me doesn't include bringing up missing children!

Then he proceeded to show me his student ID (mind you I think he was about 48ish) and then his other ID. "See, I'm Darwin, I ain't going to hurt you." Oh, I guess that settles it--men named Darwin don't hurt people. And he kept covering up the pictures anyway.

He assured me he didn't want to "bother me." I said, "Well, I know better don't I?" That my friends and family would be upset with me if they knew I was walking alone at night. He said, "You just so pretty. You shouldn't be walking alone at night. You too beautiful. You know what you need? You need a mate!"

And then he proceeded to look me up and down and suck air between his tongue and teeth. "Yep, you need a mate to waalllk with you!" Then he grabbed my right hand and kissed it!

Wtf?

I'm really starting to be concerned with the fates. Because at dinner, I told my dining companion that one time while walking down J Street, this guy liked my "perfume" so much that he followed me. He told me he couldn't believe that I wasn't married. Then he grabbed my hand and got down on his knees and said he'd be happy to do it. He said, "Come on...we humans just animals, we could go to the bushes and just fuck!"

And tonight Darwin! Homeless-in-need-of-tobacco-student Darwin? And don't think that the Darwin/evolution connection is lost on me. There might not have been finches present, but there was certainly variation. And non-selection!

Yep. I sure know how to attract them. He asked if he could walk with me. I told him thank you, but that I preferred listening to my music. And as I walked off he watched my ass and made the hmm-mmm sound. And I turned on my iPod and "Genie in a Bottle" came on.

Darwin thinks I need a mate. Darwin is right. And I wish it wasn't Darwin near that first smell of jasmine in spring under the stars, I wish it was you. With your lips and skin on mine.